eCRUSH® -- Newlyweds: Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey Quiz

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

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"I honestly thought 'Chicken of the Sea' meant chicken. It still
confuses me, so now I just buy Starkist." -- Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. What is their problem?
They fuss. They fight. They whine. Okay, fine, it's mostly
Jessica with the fussing, ighting and the whining, but still.

We just have to ask this one question: At a time when 50%
of marriages fail, can a TV show, a book deal, and a couple
of new CDs keep this couple together forever?

Test your knowledge of the Newlyweds and voice your
opinion on their train-wreck of a marriage.

1) At the wedding, the minister praised Jessica, claiming she had "earned" the right to wear white because she "saved" herself for marriage. This comment was:

		Inspiring. I intend to do the same thing.
		Inappropriate. I mean, ew! It's a wedding! Gross.
		Incorrect. Jessica lied.

2) Jessica doesn’t do the laundry. Or the dishes. Nor does she vacuum, hang up her towels, change the toilet paper roll, make the bed, or clean anything of any kind. This is:

		Understandable. The girl has had a record contract since she was 15.
		Deplorable. J.Simp is a spoiled brat.
		Solvable. Get a frigging maid, for God’s sake.

3) Jessica spent $750 on two bras and two pairs of panties that she can't return or exchange. Jessica is:

		Insane.
		Dumb.
		$750!?! What were they, mink?

4) Chicken of the Sea is:

		Chicken.
		Tuna.
		Buffalo.

5) Buffalo wings are:

		Chicken.
		Tuna.
		Buffalo.

6) Jessica Simpson would have gotten those last two questions wrong. Jessica Simpson has the brain power of a:

		Chicken.
		Tuna.
		Buffalo.

7) You've managed to blow $1,100 on lunch at a tony four-star eatery. How much of a tip do you leave for the waiter?

		$165, because 15% is appropriate.
		$220, because 20% is worth the level of service you get at tony four-star eateries.
		$14, because .01% is what you tip when you're cheap like Nick Lachey.

8) The Simpson-Lachey marriage is most similar to:

		O.J.'s first. (They'll divorce.)
		O.J.'s second. (He'll kill her.)
		Either of Michael Jackson's. (All for show.)

9) If the Simpson-Lachey marriage were an appalling incident, it would be:

		A home-destroying wildfire in Malibu.
		A multi-car pileup on the Santa Monica Freeway.
		A 9.7 earthquake that sends Los Angeles toppling into the Pacific.